32 Extremely Funny English Proofreading Rules

We found several different versions of these proofreading rules on the Internet and decided to combine them and add a few of our own.

1. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous and completely and utterly over the top.
2. Be more or less specific. At the end of the day it’s better to get straight to the point than to beat around the bush.
3. Understatement is the best possible method of achieving amazing results.
4. Exaggeration is one hundred, billion times worse than understatement.
5. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Immediately. Always.
6. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake, as useful as a chocolate fireguard.
7. The passive voice is to be avoided.
8. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
9. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
10. Oxymoron examples cause organized chaos.
11. Who needs rhetorical questions?
12. Avoid alliteration. Always.
13. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
14. Avoid clichés like the plague; they’re old hat.
15. Employ the vernacular.
16. Eschew ampersands, abbreviations and acronyms, etc. E.g. They are OTT and make no sense.
17. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary (and avoidable).
18. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
19. Contractions aren’t necessary.  They’re a waste of time.
20. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos, comprehendes?
21. One shouldn’t generalize.
22. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
23. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
24. Correct speling is essentail.
25. Never use no double negatives.
26. No to sentence fragments.
27. It’s important that verbs is in agreement with their subjects.
28. Only use apostophe’s when they are needed.
29. Be specific, in a round-about way.
30. And never start sentences with a conjunction.
31. Always cheque you’re homonym use.
32. Don’t overuse exclamations!!!!!
33. Always proofread your final work. Don’t any words out.

Have you any ideas for more humorous proofreading rules?  Give us a shout and we’ll add them to our list.

If you’re looking for a little help with your written English, check out our online proofreading services.